brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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