He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
