Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
