Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
