how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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