is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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