Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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