mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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