I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
