threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He did a backflip because drugs
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
