Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
