she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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