3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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