THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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