Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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