He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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