ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
