My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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