Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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