Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
