I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
