it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Is Oprah even human
my liver is dry heaving
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
