I love black thongs
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
