it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
