Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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