ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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