Got a toothbrush?
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
