If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
