That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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