Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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