We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
