At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
