Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
