Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
