He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
