So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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