Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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