Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
