im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm at about main and main street
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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