shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
