A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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