listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
