I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Randomize
