The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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