Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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