And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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