I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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