he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
