Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
