she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
