it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
