I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize