We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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