We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
