the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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