he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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