I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
