His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
