So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
