the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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