Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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