So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
