i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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