i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
