i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Randomize
