i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
