Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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